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Post by Petronia on Aug 29, 2004 7:48:45 GMT 10
I'm just wondering what everyone thinks.
How do you think friendship should be?
Everyone has an idea of how they want their friends to treat them or how the want to treat their friends.
This has come up because I was talking to a young man who is a little confused by a lady friend who he is trying to continue being friends with but she tends to ignore him and only contact him when she feels like it.
The problem is that their friendship is only a computer friendship not one where they would be able to see or talk to each other face to face, and he is not able to spend as much time on the computer as he used to but he said that she doesnt spend as much time either on line as she used to.
One of the problems is that she says she wants to be friends with him still and he wants that because he wants to be friends with her, but he writes to her and then doesnt get anything back even though his friend is telling him that he got an email from this lady yesterday, so he knows that she got his email and that she is writing to others but not answering his email.
So he was wondering how can this person say that she wants to be friends with him still yet treat him like that?
I told him that its easier to know how you want your friends to treat you but harder to actually treat them that way yourself.
I think that if you start liking someone and start thinking of them as a friend then why would you want to change them and make them into your idea of what a friend should be and do? If you liked them enough to want to start a friendship then you should be able to accept them the way they are and especially if situations change.
You have to be able to give and take in any friendship and real friendship means dealing with the good and the bad things that come up.
Take me for example, I had a friend who got really upset at me because she felt that I didnt call her or email her or visit her as much as she wanted me to, but she knew when we first became friends that I wasnt much of a emailer and she knew that I hated making calls to anyone, I dont like phones very much, and as for visiting I tended to go to her place more than she came to mine.
But she still couldnt see that and so she got angry and upset with me, so although I shouldnt have had to, I changed my habits to make her happy and started to email her more often and even call her a couple of times. You know what happened? She started to stop writing to me, and she doesnt call anymore and she doesnt even visit, yet I am not upset at her because I know that life changes and sometimes you become busier because new situations happen in your life and so sometimes you are not able to stay in contact they way you used to, yet she is now doing exactly to me what she got upset at me for doing to her, and the strange thing is that in her mind its ok for her to do this yet its not ok for anyone to do it to her.
I have actually been suprised over the many years of just how many people believe in this type of friendship, the whats ok for me to do is not ok for you to do type of friendships.
So now lets hear what you think about friendship? Include any stories you have of good friendships or of bad friendship.
Petronia
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Post by Lodemai on Aug 29, 2004 8:20:24 GMT 10
Oh this is a good topic Petronia.. Well done..  Maybe the rest of the girls on the board wont agree with me but I believe that females can be and are real bitches... its just something in our genes I reckon ;D Most of us tend to like to think that we are right and everyone else is wrong... For me friendship is knowing that you can turn to someone when you need them and they will be there, even if you havent talked to them in 10 years.. Friendship is doing what your friend likes doing one day even if its something you hate doing and then she has to do something you like doing the next day even if its something she hates ;D Friendship is being able to say anything your friend and not worry that they will stop being your friend.. Friendship is being able to disagree with your friend about anything and know that you will still be friends even if you dont agree on everything... Those are some of the things that I believe about friendship and how it should be... Of course its sometimes easier to think these things than to actually do them, as I know there are times when I havent been the type of friend that I wanted my friends to be...  Lodemai |
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Post by wishlesshollow on Aug 29, 2004 9:26:40 GMT 10
This is a great topic lots of people have diffrent ideas about friendship though we never really look at what it is as a whole and i am glad that this has come up to talk about. I belive that friendship is having mutual respect for each others intrests and knowing that you can turn to your friend for help and them knowing they cna do the same. I do agree with lodemai that girls can tend to think they are right and that is that ( not sexiest way but it is a true thing i have found) I had a friend and we could talk alot at certian times and then we didnt talk for ages . and it all seemed to centre around what she needed at the time. unfourtuantly my needs to fall into timetable with hers and so we had a huge argument but i am glad to say that we are still friends now. The problem is that people as a whole a selfish and self preservationists ( not everyone but when things go wrong people do tend to look at themselves and see everything else as unimportant. I belive friendship is being able to give your honest oppinion to your friend and not think am i doing the right thing by this. friendship is a great thing but sometimes alot of people take certain people for granted and then the other person can A) feel rejected or upset or B) used by the other person which their friend my not have intended to cause. I dont think that people in friendships should try to change the other people as it is not your right to say how people should be and definatly not just so that you can gain from it. I think friendship is diffrent to all people. as petronia and lodemai said you should treat people as you would want them to treat you. and i agree it is easier said than done but people really should try i will admit that at times i havent been a good friend and i regret these times. I really wish that i had done things diffrently but i didnt and all i can do is learn from it and hopefully not do the same thing again Well done petronia this is a very good topic  * bows* wishlesshollow |
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Post by GabrielaJade on Aug 29, 2004 9:57:25 GMT 10
I agree this is a good topic.I also agree with all of you,I beleive that friendship is what you guys said but mostly when both people are always there throgh thick and thin and there for advice,for a shoulder to cry on,for telling secrets sometimes to but also if it could harm the person,or someone else,a friend will care enough to help as much as they can.A friend to me is someone that is true to the the other person.I have this girl at school,that is a bully to me,she used to treat me nice if i would get up and do stuff for and at the time I did it,but now I don't I stay away from her as much as possible.I knew she was useing me and wasn't really a friend but I would still do things for her.I try to not let people do things like that to me because it makes me feel low,so I have grown and i know that they are not really my friends. There is my view..  |
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Post by Louis on Aug 30, 2004 12:55:12 GMT 10
This is an interesting topic and one that I would be more than happy to answer...
I personally like to get the same respect from my friends that I give to them.
I do have a hidden temper which shows itself when I feel that I am not getting that respect, as I think it is only fair to be treated the way I treat others...
Such as I may take the time to write to a friend and let that friend know that I am busy and not able to contact them as much, I would then expect that friend to write back to at least acknowledge that they got the letter, it could be just a small note saying, ok I understand and I will talk to you when ever...
To me that is respect...
Of course I do understand that sometimes a reply can not be made right away... But I have to say that in Petronia's friends case the fact that his friend wrote to someone else and didnt reply to his email.. to me that is just disrespectful and honestly I dont think that person can be thought of as a friend to that guy...
I feel that friendship is a bond that is hard to break but it can be broken and once broken it is very hard to fix...
So you need to be very careful of how long or how often you treat a friend badly for...
Mutual respect for each other is a big part of friendship, I mean how can I respect a friend who doesnt show me a fairly equal amount of respect?
But as human beings we all make mistakes and so we all at times have treated a friend wrongly.. its part of being human because humans are ruled by feelings more than anything else... Feelings can make you say and do some very stupid, crazy, wrong things, because its easier to act on feelings without thinking about what may happen because of it and thats when you say things or do things that you later come to regret when you are not feeling the way that you were at the time..
Its much easier to look back and realise that you have done or said something that you shouldnt have... not many people can look ahead and realise that they will be making a mistake if they say or do something...
So those are my thoughts on friendship and on the fact that we all make mistakes with our friends because no one in this world is perfect... and even if there was only 2 people in the whole world they would not be able to be friendly to each other 100% of the time... unless neither of them had a single feeling about anything...
Kind of like the unemotional volcans from star trek...
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Post by † Lestat † on Sept 1, 2004 10:31:34 GMT 10
I'm a loner mostly so I do not need friends or friendship.... There are only a very few of my kind that I tolerate... What would a creature like myself do with friends except worry and want to look after them... No it is much better that I not have friends.. Better for them as well as for me... But if I did have friends then friendship to me would be going out and having fun, enjoying being together and not caring about anything else, being there for your friends when you can.. But since I am a lone being who enjoys my solitude there is no point to these thoughts of mine going on any longer...  |
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Post by ”¨@ˆÄŽRŽq on Sept 1, 2004 12:09:05 GMT 10
haha, lestat in ways more then one I'm similar to you, yet I like to enjoy having friendship with my friends. Though, as a continue to grow and mature more, I'm very much alert. The kind of friends I tend to look for, is very rare to find. Not much people I find meet my standards in a friend. God, I was just like GabrielaJade, I was always taken advantage of my friend (I don't want to mention his name), but he would always use me, even though I didn't see this, because I was not mature and wasn't there yet, but by the time I actually did see this, the damage was done. So now I actually hate him for all the things, kind of funny, I still hold that grudge against him for all these years, but if things should happen and I bump into him again. I'll be ready. Other then that, I'm mostly quiet, alone and will talk when spoken to. But the kind of friendship I tend to look for, are people who are very caring, honest, loyal, won't lie and especially won't stab me in the back. so..how many friends have I had, at least....under 10 friends, they are all girls, I don't have guy friends that much. haha. I'll be honest about this, sometimes when I'm with the friends I met, I'll go out with them couple of times and then after awhile it gets a bit boring, but I don't like call them and say "why aren't you emailing me, blah, blah, blah" I'm not like that, if we don't go out, then I guess its just how life it, I come and meet friends and then go meet new ones. Of course if I go and bump into them, I'll be happy and have a chat and then be off my merry way, I'm not forceful and need attention, I'm just like "okay, I understand that she's busy," and I just back off. *shrugs* that is how I am. for having friends, they just come and go, that's all. eh. hehe. Usually whenever I do go out with my friends, I have the tendency of spoiling them and protecting them. haha. I don't know why, its just a habbit and then my mom thinks I'm doing this for some stupid reason, but I tell her that I'm not doing it for the wrong reasons, I do it because I care about my friends, and my friends are NOT the kind to use me or rip me off, I know this, because I can observe and study, now if they were the ones who would use people, then I would still be their friend, but wouldn't do things that can make me do the dirty work. I don't want to just come out and say "I don't want to or I think we should end this friendship, because your using me" I don't want to say that, but say it nicely and honestly. I'm not the kind that would just say it in their face so up and front. so yea. hehe. |
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Post by Beautiful Disgrace on Sept 9, 2004 12:11:45 GMT 10
I dont really have any thoughts on friendship as to me I am either friends with someone or I am not and there are differing degrees of friendship.
Most people have said here in some way or another what my thoughts of friendship are.
~BD~
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Post by Minara on Sept 9, 2004 21:49:00 GMT 10
I dont really have any thoughts on friendship as to me I am either friends with someone or I am not and there are differing degrees of friendship. Most people have said here in some way or another what my thoughts of friendship are. ~BD~ I'm the same way, BD. If you're my friend, then you're my friend. If I don't like you, I don't pretend that I like you. I think that being a friend with someone means being able to confide in them, trust them, be comforted by them....talk with them about anything, ask them if you need help without fear of refusal, and of course, being able to do all of the above things for your friend as well. I have a few friends, both online and in RL, who I have a bit of trouble with, just because their idea of what friendship is differs slightly than mine (just enough to make it hard) but with one particular friend we are trying to make it work because we are so dear to each other. Being a friend with someone doesn't mean you have to be clingy and annoying; just sending a short email or a short phone call can be enough to make the day of your friend, even if all you say is "Hi I was thinking about you and hope you're well." Sometimes, I feel like I have been forgotten by some of my friends, because in actuality, I don't have a lot of friends in RL (there is only 1, maybe two, that I get together with outside work), most are on the comp, and time differences and other factors not clearly visible keep us apart. But I don't ever stop thinking about the 5 of my friends that I don't see often anymore. And I think that that makes me a good friend, because I never forget about them. I don't rightly know if that made a lof of sense, but there's my opinion on the subject. I do think more but I am hesitant to write it. Min |
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Post by † Lestat † on Sept 15, 2004 23:22:57 GMT 10
Here are a couple of good quotes that I like about friendship..
Everyone is a friend, until they prove otherwise.
When you're looking for a friend don't look for perfection, just look for friendship.
No one person can possibly combine all the elements supposed to make up what everyone means by friendship.
A simple friend thinks the friendship over when you have an argument. A real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after you've had a fight
I cannot concentrate all my friendship on any single one of my friends because no one is complete enough in himself.
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Post by wishlesshollow on Sept 16, 2004 2:40:30 GMT 10
thanks for sharing them lestat . i think that they are a good set of quotes about friendship . esspecialy the first one as i have always thought you should give everyone the benefit of the doubt and not go by misconcieved ideas befor you speak to them
*bows*
wishlesshollow
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Post by Minara on Sept 16, 2004 9:22:04 GMT 10
A prime example of what being a true friend is (In my opinion):
My co-worker, whom I have bonded with because we have the same values, are very similar in style and music, and we both have small children, came to work today. She was very upset because she is a single mom who pays child care costs, works full time and still needs to gain social assistance from our goverment. Well, the government has pulled her support because of a line of credit she has that she didn't declare.
She needs the money and with child care and rent, she won't even be able to pay for groceries or gas for her car. She was devastated, and because I consider her my true friend, I was supportive and told her I would help her by babysitting her 1year old when I am off and she needs to work, without charging her. She said ok and that she would let me know.
Anyways, my lunch hour came and I decided I was going to help her out of her funk. I bought her a slice of chocolate cheesecake and a dozen pink roses and told her I would be there for her should she need me.
I also gave her a little bit of money to help her get by. Wasn't much, but it will help. She was so happy, she kept saying that I was the best and that she loves me and that she was glad to have met me.
That to me is what being a friend is all about. I didn't do much but she knew I was sincere in my effort to help.
Min
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Post by † Lestat † on Sept 16, 2004 14:30:20 GMT 10
Min please dont take this the wrong way as its only my view and you may consider it wrong if you like but it is no more right or wrong than your opinion its just a different view... Maybe its because I am a guy and guys do things or see things differently.. But I kind of feel that you as well as other people feel that you need to give things or do things for someone to show them that you are a friend.. You said.. Anyways, my lunch hour came and I decided I was going to help her out of her funk. I bought her a slice of chocolate cheesecake and a dozen pink roses and told her I would be there for her should she need me. I also gave her a little bit of money to help her get by. Wasn't much, but it will help. She was so happy, she kept saying that I was the best and that she loves me and that she was glad to have met me. That to me is what being a friend is all about. I didn't do much but she knew I was sincere in my effort to help. Min It was nice of you to do that for her and I am sure that the cake, roses and money made her feel much better.. But in my view that doesnt prove what true friendship is... as people can give you things or do things for all sorts of reasons not just friendship... I actually hate it when people give me gifts because they think it shows how much of a friend they are... because it makes me feel that I now owe them a gift to show them that I think the same way.. I know that my friends dont expect a gift back but I really do hate getting something for nothing.. even if it is in the name of friendship.. I may not give my friends gifts or money when they need it, even though sometimes I would really love to.. but they know that I am always there to talk and that I will let them crash at my place if they need a place to stay and that anything I have they can use.. I would give a lung to a friend if that friend needed it .. To me that is showing true friendship because its not like I am trying to buy their loyalty or their friendship with gifts... And that is the way I feel when someone gives me something... like they are trying to buy my friendship.. But like I said dont get me wrong.. this is just the way I look at things.. its not right and its not wrong its just my view.. Your opinion is no more right or wrong than mine...  |
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Post by Minara on Sept 16, 2004 23:21:20 GMT 10
Well Lestat, I did it to make her feel better. She was really down and needed some cheering up. Chicks dig flowers and cake, so I thought that it might help make her feel better.
She knows that I can't afford to do things like that all the time, but I wanted her to know that I am there for her. I told her that it was a gift and that I didn't expect her to pay me back or return the favor, because I don't care about that. As long as she knows I want to be her friend and help her out, that's all that really matters.
I think guys look at it a different way.
Min
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Post by † Lestat † on Sept 17, 2004 16:08:28 GMT 10
Min you dont need to defend what you did.. Like I said I am sure that what you did made your friend very happy.. And also like I said.. dont get me wrong.. this is just the way I look at things.. its not right and its not wrong.. its just my view.. Your view is no more right or wrong than mine... ![]() i8.photobucket.com/albums/a9/TearsForeverFrozen/Smilies/HUG10.gif [/IMG] I guess my view was more on the giving things to friends to show them that you are friends.. and it wasnt really my view on the actual meaning of friendship to me.. because the way I see friendship and the way I see giving presents to friends are totally different one from the other.. If you know what I mean  |
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