How to handle being Bisexual

[James]

I am 16 a sophmore in high school. I just recently found out that i am bi, I think i just wanted to experment at first i didnt know what this strange feeling was inside of me, but now i have been with 3 guys and one girl. How am i to handle this people wont except me for the way i am. I get made fun of and tricked. What do i do? I love my life i just dont know how to handle this type of situation. I to am having a hard time getting into a relationship, men and women just use me. What do i do?

[Reaper]

......
*walks out from darkness and sits you down on a near by rock*
first, you need to calm down, it looks like your about ready to pop. secondly...you shouldn't care of what other people say. and you need to find mortals/friends that will except you (i know easier said then done) about getting made of fun of tricked...all you need to say is " you know what i don't care!" (trust me that works). and you need to find someone who will except you for who you are and not what sexes you are into.

you can take my advise or leave it i don't care.
*walks back into darkness with out another word*


-Reaper-San

[Lodemai]

I'm bi sexual to and I've had my fair share of comments.

Friends being worried that I will hit on them.. as if I hit on every person I see

I've been with my girlfriend now for a while we even had a little kind of wedding ceremony

But I've learnt that no matter what you say or do there will always be some people who wont accept you the way you are and most people at 16 dont realize how much pain they can put you through for being different in anyway.

But there will be people out there who do accept you the way you are and those are the ones to keep looking for.

[Minara]

James, welcome to VD. I hope you find our advice sound.

In terms of your sexuality, I think that if people can't accept you for what you are, then they do not care about you enough to be your friend when you need it. Of course I am not speaking from experience on this particular subject, but I like to think I am wise and may make some sense.

Looking back on the tumultuous years between the ages of 15-20, I realized that I put far too much weight on the words of my peers. I think that even still, teens fall prey to peer pressure far more than is healthy. James, I think you should be comfortable in your skin, comfortable with the choices you have made. I know you're only 16, but still, you cannot deny what you feel and who you are. I know it's not easy when people are making fun of you, making you hate who you are because you're different (I myself was teased from about 5th grade all the way to 12th grade because I was short, fat and had bad teeth), but you need to look past that and surround yourself with healthy relationships with people who want to be your friend no matter what your preference. Guaranteed, there are those people out there, you might just have to look a little harder and be a little cautious.

The only concern I have is that you're only 16 and having sex. I hope for your sake and those you've laid with, that one of you is taking the necessary precautions and protecting you. I would hate for you to end up ill. (Then again because of who I am, I don't think anyone should be engaging in sexual activity until 19-20, but that's just me)

Wow for not knowing anything about bisexuality, I sure wrote alot.



Min

[Reaper]

way to go Min....^_^
I couldn't put it better myself. ^_^

[wishlesshollow]

min as i remember you have a a way to put things that make them appear so obvious and i couldn't agree more

not having this problem myself i do not want to talk out of place however i do fully believe that you are a person and no matter of your sexuality or desires even. these people that are using you are not worth your time. peers are the worst critics of us but they are also as vulnerable as us and that is why they act the way they do they want to make themselves feel better so please do not listen to what they say as it is mostly because of their own worries and fears

trust is something that is at the core of a relationship and without that i am afraid you do not stand a chance to get into a proper caring relationship. My advice and i do not for a minute say that i am right is to get to know people make friends and if you find someone that you feel is worth what you have to offer than tell them how you feel and that is all that you can do really.

if you ever want to talk then please feel free to private message me

* bows*

wishlesshollow

[Minara]

I agree 100% with you WLH.

Welcome back my friend!

Min

[† Lestat †]

James I know exactly what its like... I've had some very stupid pranks pulled on me by people when they found out I was bi .. I wont go into it cause most of them were just mean and stupid.

I got into a few fights over it... I've learnt to defend myself...

Its sometimes hard to ignore some situations and people but its just what you have to try and do.

As for relationships get to know the person first that you want to have a relationship with.. its worth taking the time..

I've had heaps of one night stands .. always using protection .. just because of not being able to find someone who wanted to be with me other an for what they could get out of me..

But you will have relationships, just give it time, as you get older things change and people grow up and you will find people who can understand you and treat you the way you should be treated..

I'll be 21 this year so I've been through what you have...

Just remember that even when you feel like you are alone and that no one else understands there are loads of us who do and there are loads of people who wont judge you for what you do or who you are.... just look at the support you have here at this board ;D

~Lestat~

[Minara]

As sad as it sounds, I will never try to judge people i have met online.

I am far more critical of people I know in RL, partly because you get too familiar with people in RL...for example, I find I am able to be more myself with people online than in RL because in RL, you're open to more criticism.

I have made some friends online, some of whom I barely know and some whom I am very close to. Lestat, Louis, Lodemai...these three people know me very well...partly because they are very close in RL ... moreso Louis and Lestat but I will not go into the whys of it here....I trust them with my life and hope they think likewise of me....

Just don't be afraid to be yourself here, James. We understand you. At least I do. And from what I can gauge from the people who frequent this lonely board, we are decent people and we just want to get along.

I am far different in RL as opposed to who I am online because I am more guarded in RL...not to say I am a bitch in RL because i like to think of myself as very kind and generally a nice person but I know others don't feel that way about me...but I don't care what they think as they haven't taken the time to break down my barriers and get to know the real me...the ME that I show online....

But don't let people get you down because they don't understand. Sometimes, they just lack the wisdom and foresight to understand.

Min

[wishlesshollow]

well done min. you are correct i belive when you say that the people who grace this board are decent people and i must say some of the most understanding people i have had the pleaseure to talk to.

i too am as min says diffrent in rl as i am more shielded of myself. i have been hurt several times in real life by people that i have trusted and so i put more defences up than i do online.

anyway i hope that insite is helpfull. just remember we are all as fragile in social situations and people unfourtunatly do act in ways to make themselves appear better

*bows*

WLH

[Vetala]

Hey James!

I can't say that I know exactly what you're going through since I myself am straight, but I have a lot of gay and bisexual friends, so I can relate to the problems you're having. I come from an EXTREMELY small town where people aren't very accepting of those considered to be "different". I spent the majority of my high school life defending my gay friends from those who sought to make their lives a living hell.

Try to find a group of friends that you can identify with who will accept you for whom you are and treat you no differently than they would themselves. As for relationships, make sure you get to know the person first before you give your body over to them. But you’re only 16 James… you don’t need to find a LASTING relationship right now. Enjoy your youth and concentrate on your school work and making friends as opposed to finding a boyfriend or a girlfriend and “falling in love”.

I’m going to be 21 in December, and let me tell you, now that I am entering into my 4th year of college, a meaningful relationship with a guy is the LAST thing I’m thinking about. I’m having too much fun exploring my options in men before I finally decide to settle down. High school relationships are kinda crap anyways because one person is usually only it for the sex. But if you do find someone special, then by all means date them and love them, just don’t make it your main priority while you’re still in high school.

As for the teasing, I’m not really sure what to tell you. As I said before, my friend and I were usually the ones defending our gay friends, as well as them defending themselves. Whenever someone would say something cruel and obnoxious to them they threw something just as worse back at them (usually telling another guy that when he gay-bashes it usually means he himself is unsure of his own sexuality, usually makes them shut-up and leave you alone).

But as I said before, you’re only in high school… and a lot of high school students are very immature and are just trying to find their own way in life (I by no means am condoning their actions for teasing other people, because I think it is rude and idiotic, but you get the point). Once you’re out of high school, it’s an entirely different world out there. People grow up and change and learn from their mistakes in high school and are more receptive to those whom they perceive as “different”.

You just need to keep your head held high, and as long as YOU are happy and comfortable with yourself, then that’s all that really matters. People who make fun of other people are not comfortable with themselves, and so, they must put others down in order to make them feel better… and that’s fine… because when people look back on their high school experience, those people will be remembered as jackasses with no futures, while you will be remembered as a kind and loving person who knows who they are and what they want out of life.

So good luck James, enjoy your high school experience as much as you can, and just remember, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you ever gonna love somebody else?” (quote from RuPaul).

Love Ya!
~Megan

[GabrielaJade]

Awwww you guys are so awsome!!!
I am going to let you guys know that I know James personally I am the one that brought him to this site. I appreciate all the advice you are giving him and I am shure he does to. He is my best guy friend and hasn't been able to get on because of work and his "ball and chain" girlfriend.

See at school people would ask me if he was gay and i would tell them no because that was not my place to tell them. A lot of times people would think that we are a couple becuase of how close our friendship is but I do not want too ruin the friendship plus he is like my younger brother.anyways thank you guys for giveing him shuch great advice. I love comeing to this site because you guys ARE so awsome. OH! buy the way today is his birthday(Aug 10) so send him an e-mail or something.


~Gab~